Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Over the edge

Ok, I don't want to panic. I know that kids and situations change quickly, especially the young ones. But I'm beginning to feel like I'm unravelling. I no longer feel in control, of my home or my self. The past couple days I've watched anger well up and flow out of me in ways I've never experienced before. Yelling, nagging, crying, watching my son trying to do things to cheer me up asking, "Does this make you happy Mom? Does this make you feel proud?" I feel so ashamed that my 3 year feels responsible for cheering me up. That should never rest on his shoulders.

 I just don't know what's come over me. I've always been able to maintain my composure in front of my children. To remain consistent, firm, yet still loving.  Yet, I'm sitting here, falling apart because I can't force my daughter to nap or my son to listen to me when I'm speaking to him. I feel like no one is hearing me and now I'm just getting mad.

I need someone or something to help me snap out of it! I can't seem to get a grip on my own. Sorry to be so dramatic, but I needed to let some of it go...thanks for listening!

5 comments:

Holley said...

I don't know if this helps of not but I have DEFINITELY had those days (ok who am I kidding) weeks too. I truly cannot snap myself out of it while I am in the routine at home. The best, quickest way for me to get out of these doldrums is to leave. Yes that is right leave. I tell James I am going to see my sister or go camping or something, anything to get me out of the house and to a place I can hear my own thoughts. One night away from my family where I be me (not just Mom) resets me and my mood. By the next day (or two days...) I can't wait to get home and be Mom again. I don't know if Seth is home but if he is grab a girlfriend and go out for a shopping trip, movie and night on the town this weekend! It will totally help, trust me! :)

Steph said...

Sometimes you just have to get it all out! But I know what you mean. Sometimes I think, why am I losing my patience over this, this is so silly. Exercise really helps me get in a better mood. In fact, I've noticed if I don't work out for awhile, I get angrier much easier. Also, I've heard people say when they feel like they're getting upset with their kids they go somewhere in public - because you know you're much more careful about what you do and say around other people. Hang in there girl! Things will get better.

Amber said...

Ok Leah, just remember first of all, that you are not alone!! I really go through those days when I feel like NOTHING goes right and I'm the worse mom ever, etc. I second what Holley and Steph say, getting out with friends, or even by yourself to exercise, totally works for me and I use both of those methods. So, if at all possible, go out with friends or find a gym that has child care and get your frustrations out, and I know it doesn't feel like it now, but please remember that it will get better!

Carrie said...

Well, I don't have any words of wisdom for you today because I am in my own pit of despair. I wrote my post and then went to check yours, and it was like divine intervention. I just want to say thank you, thank you! I was in tears for the last hour, and although you probably aren't as evil as I was today, it is nice to know that someone else feels like they have lost control once in a while. Because that is EXACTLY how I feel today. You are not alone girl, I have hopped the crazy train with you...now how do we get off!

Tracy said...

It is definitely the "trying threes". Somedays all that came out of my mouth was negative remarks and yelling. I would wait for Michael to come home and then head to the mall. Spending some time alone and watching other kids behave badly in public always made me appreciate mine a little bit more. Flipping on the TV for a 1/2 hour break isn't bad either....unless you have to endure 30 minutes of The Wiggles!